But once we hit the checkout, Stellan lost it. He wanted to singlehandedly unload all the groceries, which was an impossibility for several reasons. When he realized he wasn't getting his wish, he threw a limb-flailing ground-kicking head-banging high-decibel shriekfest that was surely audible all the way to the dairy section at the back of the store. It was so bad the store manager rushed to help bag our groceries just to get us out of there faster.
As I watched my son completely freak out, at first I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Then I thought, "This is just a rite of passage for all parents of two-year-olds. We're all going to have one of these, at least one of these, in a very public place. They don't call it the 'terrible twos' for nothing." And I just calmly continued to unload groceries onto the conveyor belt. Then I realized that all the other shoppers needed me to act very distressed, as Stellan's behavior is considered inappropriate for most human beings. I instantly turned into a very apologetic, anxious mother and did my best to hustle us out as quickly as possible, trying to look a little ashamed as I did so.
It was a sham. But I think it made people feel better. Which is worse - to freak out alongside your two-year-old, or just to pretend to in order to appease normal society?
10 comments:
That is the question that will haunt you your whole life.
Dad
I say screw society. Jocelyn has had her share of meltdowns, usually in Michaels and I tend to let her scream. and try not to notice other peoples reactions, and just speak to her calmly and say, "I am sorry you are sad but we are not going to do that today." I also I like saying, "When you scream I can not help you". Then I usually hand her my phone and let her watch movies on youtube
I'm with Rileigh, as long as you're talking to your kid and saying, things like, "I know we've been at the grocery store for a long time, and you're tired, but screaming is not an appropriate reaction." Or, "I understand that you'd like to unload the groceries, but right now, it's my job, so I'm going to do it." I think people who have had kids will appreciate your coolheadedness, and will understand that you still love your kid.
I love this post. A sham, ha! You just described me as a mom in general.
So to answer this question--I am with Anon. I tend to *say sarcastic things to my children to send a message to people that I just don't care like "oh is the floor comfy?" or "Yes I know I am a mean mother because I am not letting you climb on the counter."
Then I let people know that, yes I am aware my child is doing this, and no I don't approve but it doesn't require me to look empathetic to my child or to them because really, I am not.
*Strategy not sanctioned by any parenting experts.
It's a relief that I don't have to offer some wise-mother, problem-solving tidbit here -- your friends have already done that!
You don't seem neurotic to me; you're one of the best mothers I've ever known. You're modeling what to do when you're feeling stressed and frustrated: keep cool, get through the moment, talk it out. Isn't that what you want to teach Stellan anyway? A meltdown in the aisle can be addressed right away without delaying anyone else, but in the checkout line you really just have to get through it first. You have good instincts and wise friends; trust them.
Mom
People with kids will understand. They're either glad their kids have passed that stage or are learning what to anticipate. People without kids will never understand so they don't count. Best solution -- say loudly, "Boy, your mom is going to be so disappointed when I tell her what you did."
Teehee, so normal. My boy (who is 3 1/2 now, just for reference) had a complete meltdown at church this Sunday, he even hit and kicked his sunbeam teacher who is like 60 and was sweating buckets when I responded to the sound of my wailing son from across the building. In his defense, it was his first time in Sunbeams and Ral just dropped him off without much ceremony, I am pretty sure he was terrified of the old man who wasn't quite as nice as his grandpa and all of the new big kids during sharing time. So, it happens. Oh well.
I say you don't have to prove anything to anyone.
I love this post.
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