Happy Birthday, Kevin!

Kevin had the rare pleasure of hosting his parents for his birthday. We had so much fun shopping for him together, planning together and also, most importantly, making him a super amazing shark piñata together.
If you have ever wondered how one makes a super amazing shark piñata, follow these 33 simple steps below (or just cheat and go to the photos at the end):

1. Get some liquid starch.
2. When you have visited 3 different stores in search of liquid starch and find that apparently the demand for liquid starch is nonexistent.
3. Text a bunch of friends and get a tip on one last store you haven't tried yet.
4. Buy some liquid starch, for reals this time.
5. Contact someone who might still subscribe to an actual print newspaper and see if you can get some newspaper from them.
6. Good luck with that last one.
7. If you eventually find someone who reads a paper made from real paper, and acquire some leftover paper from them, tear it into small strips.
8. Find an old metal coat hanger and bend it into a loop.
9. Carry around the house at the same time as you are carrying your 1-year-old baby. Don't notice when she fish-hooks herself with it.
10. Finally hear a loud yelp and she tries to remove the fish-hook by pulling it further into her cheek. Remove it, console her and promise yourself to think like a parent and a crafty person at the same time, even it if kills you (and hopefully no more of your children).
11. Blow up one big balloon as you hold it inside the coat hanger loop so that it inflates until it is tight inside the hanger.
12. Attach a pointy party hat to one end of the balloon.
13. Drape your balloon/hat in newspaper dredged in liquid starch.
14. Find a dry but hidden place for it to dry in your yard.
15. Realize you live in Florida and nothing outside can ever be guaranteed to stay dry. Make your best attempt and continue.
16. The next day, repeat steps 13-15.
17. After your balloon/hat/paper has dried and hardened completely, create fins and a tail. Some high quality cardstock will work well.
18. Oops. All out of cardstock. A used cereal box will suffice.
19. Attach fins and tail with crafting glue.
20. Are you serious? Have you even met me? I couldn't find crafting glue in my house if you planted it there. Use duct tape instead.
21. Cut a small hole in the top and fill that sucker full of bouncy balls and noisemaking party favors. And a couple of candies for the kids.
22. Seal the hole with more duct tape.
23. Paint the entire thing in a shade I like to call "shark/barf/blue-gray".
24. Notice that the side fins are now drooping and curling.
25. Affix a complicated system of pulleys and levers to keep fins level and straight. Use nothing but floss.
26. Make cute eyes and a fierce mouth out of paper.
27. Glue them, if you've got glue. But probably just school glue. See #16.
28. Keep it hidden somewhere in your garage because it is raining cats and dogs outside. Maybe inside that bike trailer you've never used.
29. Reveal it proudly to an ecstatic husband and very excited children.
30. Hang it (remember that coat hanger it's been wrapped around?) from the clothesline in your garage and hit it repeatedly with a wooden stick.
31. Realize you may have used one or two too many layers and that this wooden stick isn't cutting it. Hand your small child a metal baseball bat.
32. Let your husband do his worst. Wait, is that a small crack?
33.As it finally breaks open, watch the whole thing seem to explode as the bouncy balls hit the cement garage floor and bounce back up while the toys are still falling. Marvel at the colors and sounds and wonder why people ever use boring old candy in piñatas.